J stands for...

birthday girls, birthday haircuts!

2011-03-05T21:19:00.000-08:00

My favorite thing my niece Ava did when I saw her in January in was say to me: "I don't have to miss you, because you'll be at my birthday!" My second favorite thing was the look on her face when I told her I was going to Las Vegas for my birthday. Complete bewilderment. In the end, we decided that I was coming out to share our birthdays. One of the things I love about UT School of Public Health is that my birthday has coincided with spring break for the last 3 years. This is the first year no one is getting married...so I was off to Las Vegas (weird, no?)

I had been thinking about getting a haircut for a while. Sometimes you just need a change, and when everything else seems stuck in neutral, you chop off 10 inches of hair. I knew I wanted it short (not as short as it is, but I'll get to that), but I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to do with it. Trust in the stylist, I guess. I was really excited when the woman cutting my hair said if we took a little bit more that I was thinking we could donate it to Locks of Love, so I said go for it. My hair grows like mad, and there so much of it! I was so pleased that someone else will get to use some!

Ava got a fancy birthday haircut too, and Sarah was kind enough to take some pictures of us. Can you see how short it is? I'm not always fond of pictures by myself but I was really pleased with how they turned out.

This one is my favorite. And we discovered that my face has this crazy ability to look really, really different depending on the direction you are looking at it from.

This was our attempt at artistry. I actually think it is a really cool picture. See that weird double dip think my tongue is doing? Can you do that? Also, I really am making noise, but I'm not really yelling. More of just an "aaahh" like I'm filming a bad take in an even worse horror movie. And I was shaking my head back and forth, so I'm impressed that she caught this.

Loads of fun, playing model. More fun was watching Brenna throw play food in the street and have to go inside with Bryce. No wonder Sarah was excited to have an adult model for a change :) Thanks Schristor for the pictures!

you know you're in Houston if...

2011-02-16T18:40:00.000-08:00

you live down the street from the country's biggest annual Livestock Show and Rodeo! And you get to go on a date to the World's Champtionship Bar-B-Que Contest - really, I have the ticket stub to prove it...the date and the contest :)

We had "free" barbecue dinner courtesy of Mrs. Baird's Chuckwagon. I was quite impressed with the logistics of feeding that many people, they really had it down to a science. And according to Dan, who went back several times for more and talked to the people serving, they have never run out of food.

And then we did what any good Texan does. Ate fried sweets. My first time, and I was a little nervous. As a group we had fried snickers, fried cheesecake, fried cookie dough (that's what I got!), and the original fried Twinkie. The cookie dough was surprisingly delicious. And definitely no more than a once-a-year treat.

Beth, Chelce, and Gavin and I decided to try a ride (thanks Oscar!) and boy, howdy was it the absolute best ride I've ever been on! We were thrown in every direction possible and Chelce and I were laughing so hard I could hardly breathe. Seriously, I was giggling like a little girl. It made me so happy! The hip didn't love it, and I regretted it later (but only a little!). I will forever be an amusement park ride junkie.

I'm really glad I ended up going, because it wasn't the original plan for the evening. Now if I end up moving, at least I have experienced the Rodeo! And I can be less impatient about the havoc it wreaks on my drive to Target :)

older posts

2010-04-21T16:42:00.001-07:00

just making sure you know that there are a few posts you may not have read. make sure you click "older posts" at the bottom of the page.

To the Author

2010-04-17T16:21:00.000-07:00

To the Author

Your words pierce
From the thin white
Like eyes
That find my buried experience
And hands
That splatter it on the page

Claiming the past
What was not my history
Has become

Black lines connect
Form letters, words
Stories
That stretch my world beyond itself
And life
About which I was unaware

Shaping the future
What might not have been
Can become

instead of blogging about TODAY, I thought I'd write about this...

2010-04-17T16:02:00.000-07:00

I had a memory today. You know, sometimes that happens.

I was on the phone with Mom and she told me she was coming home from Sheely's Irish Dance recital and was talking about the similarities between Sheely and I. Naturally, this led me to think about my short-lived Irish Dancing career. This picture was from my first Feis.

I learned a lot about myself in the short time I danced. For instance, I learned that I am not a dancer :) But I do really enjoy it (I actually do some of the dances now for exercise, though I have the hips and back of an 80 year old, so not with the same intensity). So I guess I learned that everyone can dance, even if you aren't a "dancer." I learned that anxiety can be overcome through practice, preparation, and prayer. I learned about my heritage. I learned that even big kids can start something new...you don't have to start training as soon as you can walk (this applies to all kinds of things). I learned that I bite my lip when I'm concentrating, and that putting a hundred pink curlers in my hair means my mom must really love me. So here's to the opportunity I had to try something new, to work hard, to make memories.

Why I don't eat rabbit...

2010-04-17T14:48:00.000-07:00

my visitor!

2010-03-28T17:00:00.000-07:00

I am so thrilled that my sister Corinne came out and visited me here in Houston. It gets lonely without family around, and I loved sharing my life out here with her and getting some one-on-one time. Things were a little hectic this week as I tried to make up for time lost in the hospital and with the wedding, but by Thursday I was grateful to relax and be a tourist with Kinny.

She flew in Thursday morning to the further away George Bush Airport, which was fine because it is awfully close to the National Funeral History Museum, where I have wanted to go since I moved here. And Corinne was the perfect person to go with me - she and I have the same interest in the weird and somewhat morbid :) It was really fascinating. I learned about Presidential funerals, different types of coffins and hearses, embalming (popularized during the Civil War...who knew?). My favorite part may have been the fact that from the outside, the museum looks like a warehouse. The whole thing is just really random. But that's how I like it.

After a fabulous lunch at Schlotsky's, Corinne was kind enough to attend a lecture with me at school. She was lucky though, because I'm not sure how many people get to hear about Ebola from one of the guys who discovered it. Joseph McCormick and Sue Ficher-Hoch gave a "shoeleather epidemiology" lecture about some of their more interesting investigations. These are two of my epi idols - I would love to have their careers. I recommend their book, Level 4: Virus Hunters of the CDC if you have any interest in infectious disease. They talked for two hours, but both Corinne and I could have listed to more. But luckily they did finish, because we wanted to eat dinner in Galveston. I have lived here a while now, and have never been. A real shame, because I enjoyed it immensely. We played on the beach until the sun went down and then had a fantastic dinner at Salsa's. I recommend. (Side note, how impressed are you at the picture I got of Corinne clicking her heels?)

Friday we grabbed Kolaches and went to the George Historic Ranch. It felt very Texan. I really enjoyed the Victorian House we toured, and I was reminded how much I would not have been suited to live back then. Afterward we took a boat tour of the Houston harbor, which was really interesting. They talked about shipping and the different ships that come in and out everyday. And it's free! We then headed up to Humble so Corinne could spend some time with Shaliece. Wonderful food, wonderful company. And she let us borrow her cooler...

...which was excellent because Saturday we drove to San Antonio to visit the Missions. I felt like I was back in Europe, exploring such old buildings. It made me think of my trip to Spain with Chris. I miss him...maybe he'll come visit me next!? We saw all of the missions, including the Alamo, which was more of a tourist trap than I personally care for. But it was neat to learn about this part of our history. I'll admit I was fairly ignorant about it before. We took a walk along the River Walk and had dinner with Corinne's high school friend Scott who drove from Austin. And don't worry, I took her to Buc-ees on our way back to Houston :)

I am so grateful to Corinne for coming all the way out here and for the good times and conversations we had. She is such a blast, and it reminded me of the time we used to spend together before I moved away for the first time. (Don't worry Other Sisters, I'll write nice things about you too if you come visit me!!)

blue foods make me nervous. or, a post in which i avoid writing about the state of things

2010-03-20T20:35:00.000-07:00

The state of things is why I am eating peanut m&ms. but we'll talk about that lameness some other time.

For now I would like to discuss something I have only just realized. I don't like eating things that are blue. I always eat them first, the way I eat the black jelly beans first because they are my least favorite flavor (why don't I just not eat them? don't ask me, ask my "disordered eating"). If I'm sharing, I leave the blue things in the mix for someone else to eat. I think it comes from those things I ate as a kid that would turn my mouth blue and make me all self-conscious - the blue air heads, blow pops, etc. Or maybe it comes from that creepy...I was going to make reference to the pie man on Strawberry Shortcake, but it turns out he's the Peculiar Purple Pie Man. So forget that. Maybe it calls back to my days rooting for Gargamel instead of Papa Smurf? Maybe I should forget about my food issues being related to cartoon characters? Just digging deeper, that's all.

What does my distaste (distrust?) of all blue food say about me? That I'm a little bit crazy? maybe. That I have great taste in food? sure. That I can avoid dealing with the real issues in my life? yep.

another one bites the dust...

2010-03-14T15:14:00.000-07:00

...and I mean that in the most loving of ways.

My singles team is shrinking.

More on this blessed event later.

going home...

2010-03-08T04:45:00.000-08:00

I leave to go home super early this morning. I get this icky feeling in my stomach every time I go back to see my family. It's either that or the drugs I'm on. I'm assuming that's why even though I got released from the hospital 12 hours ago and have to leave in an hour, I couldn't sleep. I was just lying in bed wondering why going home is stressful.

It's partly because I'm so different from the rest of my family. Partly because I feel like I have to be "on" all the time (though my family will certainly tell you I am not very successful at this). Partly because I always want to be a little better than the last time I saw them - how I look, how many friends I have, how much fun I am. Partly because I have this deep, prideful desire to show them that I am okay - married or not, kids or not, that I am a contributing member to society. And MOSTLY because I realize how ridiculous all of that just sounded and I worry why I can't just smile and have fun.

To my family: I am excited to see you. I know you love me, even if I can be insecure and a little dramatic.

the application

2009-10-24T15:47:00.000-07:00

i submitted my peace corps application today!!! my poor patient mother spent much of her first time ever in houston engaging in peace corps discussions. when she first got here i told her about my decision to apply, and she has been very supportive (of the "if it makes you happy it makes me happy" type of supportive). she helped me through the MOUNDS of paperwork involved in the application processes, she let me continuously name countries where i might get sent, edited my essays, helped me with my health status review, etc. she really was most patient.

the application itself was a little overwhelming: pages of the basic information, then details about every job i've ever had, all the volunteer work i've ever done, schoolwork, etc. then there was the CV, the recommendations, the essays. many hours spent making sure i presented myself both accurately and in the best light possible :)

i've been working on not obsessing about things, so this was a really good opportunity to spend enough but not too much time on both the application and my essays. i've actually posted them here if anybody is interested in reading them. small disclaimer though: they are cheesy. my natural sense of cheese comes out when i'm writing essays, personal statements, etc. i don't know what it is. so keep in mind that i know they are cheesy, but they do say what i wanted to say. click on Read More to take a look or completely pass over them...up to you!

Peace Corps service presents major physical, emotional, and intellectual challenges. Please provide a statement that includes:
   •   Your reasons for wanting to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer; and
   •   How these reasons are related to your past experiences and life goals.
   •   How you expect to satisfy the Peace Corps 10 Core Expectations (please be specific about which expectations you expect to find most challenging and how you plan to overcome these challenges).

   I have a goal: to be bigger than myself. I want to have a large heart, a broad understanding, and a wide influence. I have not had to leave the country to make progress towards these goals; I’ve gained much through experiences I’ve had here in the United States. Volunteer work with hospice, American Red Cross, and Student Epidemic Intelligence Service has provided me with opportunities to serve and improve myself. Through this service I have developed skills such as first aid and disaster/outbreak response, and qualities such as compassion and persistence. My mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was eighteen months of service and personal development in which I learned to approach strangers, customize and teach lessons for adults and children, and be flexible as to where and with whom I was assigned to work. Through my education and employment I have worked to gain a skill set that will enable me to help others and create positive change. I have been able to take initiative and work both independently and as part of a team. I can conduct epidemiological studies, create and evaluate intervention programs, conduct rapid assessments, respond to outbreaks and other disasters, and train others in these important skills.
   The Peace Corps will be another step in progressing towards my goals. Volunteering and immersing myself into a different culture will mean new growth and greater diversity of experience and service opportunity. The enumerated expectations match both the reasons I have to volunteer and the goals that I have to improve myself. My educational and career choices in Public Health are focused on improving the quality of life of others, and I will do this as a Peace Corps volunteer through sharing the skills I have been blessed to gain through my education. I expect to be both a teacher and a learner, thus encouraging the mutual learning and respect necessary for effective service. Through interactions with the Deaf, Asian immigrant, British prison, and African-American injection drug usin
g populations I have gained an appreciation of trust and cultural sensitivity, and practiced cultivating a spirit of cooperation among people very different from me.
   I have decided that this is an appropriate time for me to serve abroad for 27 months, as I will have completed my MPH program and seek to practice the things I have learned before entering an Epidemiology PhD program. While being away from family and familiarity is difficult, I will overcome this challenge as I did while serving an eighteen month mission: by focusing less on myself and more on those I am there to serve. Another challenge I expect to face is the burden of representing both the United States and my host country - I have a great respect for both my country and the work the Peace Corps does and I find this responsibility daunting. I know I will become a good representative through concerted efforts in communication, gaining cultural competence, cultivating personal relationships, and making memorable experiences that can be shared both with those in my host community and back home.
   I wish to become a member of a global community. Sharing skills among members of this community is essential, as we all have much to give and much to learn. Likewise, respect, understanding, and trust need to be shared among us. I believe this experience will enable me to share my skills and learn new ones, to earn and learn respect, and to become another step closer to my life’s goals.

Your success as a Peace Corps Volunteer is based on the trust and confidence you build by living in, and respectfully integrating yourself into, your host community and culture. Describe an experience you have had in living or working in a social or cultural environment different from your own. What specific challenges did you face concerning trust, confidence, and/or integration? What did you learn from this experience that you will bring with you to your Peace Corps service?

I have often felt the panic of being thrown into the deep end of a very different cultural environment from my own. I was asked while serving a mission for my church to work among the Deaf, with limited knowledge of their culture or language. I have interviewed young male British prisoners, and am currently interviewing mainly middle aged African American injection drug users. I have spent much of my life explaining my relatively uncommon religious beliefs and trying to understand and respect the beliefs of others. Most recently, I have been participating in the Houston Department of Health and Human Services Hepatitis B in the Asian Community screening program. I am one of two non-Asian members of the organizational committee, and have once again found myself working in a culture very different from my own.
   At the first screening for this program, I worked as a phlebotomist taking blood samples from recent Vietnamese immigrants. At one point, an elderly woman was assigned to my station and started speaking in Vietnamese. I tried so hard to communicate with her, but eventually her daughter came over to translate, and the message was that she wanted her blood drawn by a Vietnamese phlebotomist. It is human nature to trust those most like us - and she and I were very different. Rationally, I understood this. Emotionally, I desperately wanted to be accepted and trusted by this group of people I had been working so hard to serve. I pondered this as I prepared for the next screening event, also in the Vietnamese community. I found articles, websites, and an online course in cultural competence and bridging cultural differences regarding hepatitis B and the Asian community. I spoke to my advisor, who is from Taiwan, about differences in health beliefs among different Asian populations, and how I could best overcome these challenges of integration. During the next screening, I sat next to a very helpful Vietnamese nurse who taught me Vietnamese phrases in between patients, so that I could say “my name is Jordan,” and “thank you”. Though many people smiled at my horrible pronunciation, it showed them that I cared about them enough to try to communicate, and I felt the other volunteers showed more confidence in me as a part of the team as I tried to be culturally informed and sensitive.
   Through these experiences I have learned that trust, understanding, and integration come through hard work, being willing to put yourself out there (and possibly butchering a new language), and caring about the people you serve. This knowledge will help me in my efforts to integrate into the community and culture I am assigned to work in as a Peace Corps volunteer. Perhaps more important than this knowledge is the desire I have gained - the world is full of people different than me, and each difference is something I can learn from, and something that will help me grow as a person and provide better service to others.

the decision

2009-10-01T15:42:00.000-07:00

I am not the most decisive person. snicker all you want (you know who you are). i think the indecisiveness comes from a lot of places - wanting to experience everything, anxiety about the unknown, worrying about the response i'll get from other people, not feeling like i know yet just quite who i am. whatever the underlying cause, i tend to do lots of research, think big, and stick to pretty much the same old thing. i've had some pretty impressive breakthroughs: going to byu, studying abroad, going on a mission, moving to houston for graduate school. firm, solid decisions that have huge impacts on my life. thought out, made, followed through.

and now i've come to another decision. its the time of year for PhD applications, but i've been feeling a tug in another direction. a tug i've felt since i was maybe 15 years old. the peace corps. i knew then that i would need a bachelor's degree (check!). by the time that happened i had a testimony and knew i needed to go on a mission (check!). and now here i am working on my masters in public health in houston and i am now qualified to do it.

as the thought began, once again, to creep into my head so did lots of questions. what will my family think? will i be able to do it? can i handle another two years away? possibly no electricity, running water? what will it mean professionally? how hard will it be for me to learn another language? can i handle that much responsibility? what about spending two years with people and then never seeing them again? and so many many more questions. i've thought about them. i've considered, written out, balanced, weighed, talked over, and prayed about it. and i know that i am supposed to spend 27 months as a peace corps volunteer.

i talk a big game: sustainability, service, prevention, etc. this is an opportunity for me to practice what i preach. my education as a public health professional will hopefully be useful in some far flung corner of the world, because those people there desire health and opportunity and hope. and if i can be a small part of bringing that to them...shouldn't i?

this wasn't a decision entered into lightly. there is an impressively governmental application and placement process ahead of me. but it's right for me if i'm right for them. and who wouldn't want me :)

is this the end...or the beginning?

2009-09-12T19:31:00.000-07:00

i'd love to say that today is the last day of all my bad behaviors, my bad habits. problem is, i've said that so many times before that i simply don't believe it. sure, maybe tomorrow i'll do good. maybe even the next week or two weeks, but am i going to screw up again? probably. no...definitely. if i were perfect i'd be translated.

so today i say that tomorrow i will do better. change is a process, and for me it begins now. i know it won't be easy, because i've tried this path before. but this time will be different - this time, no matter how slow going or how many times i screw it up, i recognize that it will be slow and i will make mistakes. this time i accept these things as given and choose to press forward anyway.

inspiration

2009-09-12T18:28:00.000-07:00

I was born by the river in a little tent
And just like that river I've been running ever since
It's been a long time coming
But I know a change is gonna come, oh yes it will

It's been too hard living, but I'm afraid to die
Cos I don't know what's out there beyond the sky
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change is gonna come, oh yes it will

And then I go to see my brother
And I ask him to help me please
And he just winds up knockin' me
Back down on my knees

There were times when I thought I couldn't last for long
But now I think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long, been a long time coming
But I know a change is gonna come, oh yes it will

-sam cooke

a poem

2009-09-09T15:51:00.000-07:00

hospice volunteer

each cackling, hacking, labored breath
whispers the silent
message of enough;
the look in sagging, wrinked eyes
piercing, fierce enough for clarity:
wishes of what was and is to come.

when you were young, did you dance?
did you sing and laugh and play?
the smiling couple, was that you?

names and faces and dates forgotten
but the love is trapped still.
mother, sister, daughter:
i sit here as them as we talk.
for me, holding hands for the first time
but for you as natural as family.

would you and i as children play?
when that wheezing breath was laughter
and the wrinkled eyes were bright?

the new silence is comfortable,
and slow breaths deepen into sleep,
i’ve come here for you, to try and lift you
beyond the aching of your body
yet my heart is lighter as I gently
unclasp your hand from mine.

actual update? nope...

2009-06-05T20:35:00.000-07:00

I've been living in Houston for about 5 months now, and have posted about twice. There are good reasons, which you would know if I was about to post all about them...but I'm not going to. Yet, anyway. I am breaking my blogging silence to share something with all of you (you know, all 4 of you that read this blog).

I love KFC because they serve mashed potatoes. Startling revelation, I know. I was in a fantastic part of town (yeah, sarcasm comes in the form of italics) and was waiting in line when the person in front of me ordered dog meat. Yike. I wasn't aware KFC served man's best friend. I had ordered my mashed potatoes when the person behind the counter said to the person behind me in line: "dog meat or light meat?" that I realized what was going on.

anyway, life apparently is busy enough to distract me and make me think KFC is now KFD (get it? Kentucky Fried Dogs. I crack myself up). But I'll try to, I don't know, write something remotely interesting/important/informative next time.

Oh, and I don't advocate the eating of pets...even if I don't like dogs.

NERAK

2009-01-31T11:54:00.000-08:00

It was an interesting thing. Scott, Shaliece, the visiting Bawdens, and I watched The Watcher in the Woods. The first time I watched this movie, it was my fourth or fifth grade field day at Oak Hills Elementary. I remember sitting in the huge, dark multi-purpose room and being so flaming scared. When Sheesh lived at our house, we talked about this movie a lot, but never ended up watching it. I eventually found it on DVD and had it in my collection, and so out it came.

The thing I remember most from when I was a kid was the name of the new pet dog, Nerak, which is Karen spelled backwards. I've mocked it often. Several new fun things I've learned to appreciate from this movie are the creepy housekeeper, the fantastic special effects (sarcasm is hard to indicate when typing, but it's there), and the hairdos. Man.

I also enjoyed picking up some new quotes, including my favorite: "Lightning struck the belfry...suddenly the church was aflame!"

Before we started, Shaliece was worried about post Watcher in the Woods nightmares. As most things from childhood turn out, our experience this time was very different from those scary elementary school field day experiences. What used to be scary was funny, what was dramatic was cheesy. Time really does change things.

i wasn't kidding...

2009-01-23T21:57:00.000-08:00

no shame at all!

how could i forget?

2009-01-17T16:18:00.000-08:00

dad reminded me of a very important part of our trip that i forgot to include in the previous post...
Dreamland Barbecue in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. this really had to be experienced, in order to understand. but the story of the adventure is thus:

we were in the south and we wanted barbecue. the real stuff. so i looked up "best bbq tuscaloosa" on my phone and was informed i must go to Dreamland. after several errors (because it was in the freakin' boonies!) we found ourselves on the right road to this little restaurant, which is in the middle of a flaming trailer park and has been around for over 50 years. it's hard to tell from this picture, but the place is the epitome of "hole in the wall". i think dad was concerned for the safety of my things :) but stepping out of the car we were hit with a most amazing barbecue smell. they only serve ribs (except, we were informed, they "just started serving coleslaw and potato salad"). so we got our ribs and dove right in. which, knowing anything about me and meat, is pretty impressive. they were excellent and the atmosphere was fantastic.

a sort of initiation, if you will, into the southern way of things.

on the road again...

2009-01-17T11:27:00.000-08:00

i broke out my camera once on our 2 day drive to Houston. it could be because i'm lazy. it could be because i did my best to sleep away the miles. it could be because much of the journey looked like the picture on the right.

dad and i left very very early. luckily, my sweet sister lauren, dad, and i had packed it (to the freakin' brim!) the day before, so mostly we had to just get in and drive.

sadly, all the effort i went through to get an eAudiobook from NetLibrary failed. so dad and i spent two days finding alternative ways of entertaining ourselves. for dad that was mostly "meditating", for me that was mostly trying to sleep. i did have a fantastic Discover magazine that had the 100 top science stories of the year. luckily, we had my new iPhone, because i had to look up a bunch of words i didn't know. good to know there are still things to learn.

we drove through the French Quarter of New Orleans. it was a really nasty day, and i didn't really want to get out of the car, but dad performed an excellent feat of auto-tourism and i got to see what it was like, and occasionally rolling the windows down, i even got to hear some live jazz. too bad it wasn't marc broussard. but i would have gotten out of the car for him.

eventually...and i mean eventually...we crossed over the border of my new home state. this was when i broke out the camera. and i took these two good shots from my car going over 65 mph.

impressive, no? and i'm definitely feeling welcomed.

then i messed around with the camera for a few minutes, attempting to capture our little trip for posterity. or whatever. i won't post the first picture of dad, because he looks like he is driving while high on something. but this one is nice:

and here's me. this isn't the first one i took of me either (or the second, or the third...) but i had time to kill.
eventually we made it to the Moser's in Humble, Texas. I have since learned that this is pronounced "UUMMble", not "HUMble". ah, Texas. how i'm learning to love thee. so now i'm here, and i'm loving catching up with Sheesh and Scott, playing with Riley and Garrett, and learning to get around. i'll post again soon about school, etc!

wrinkled poem on wrinkled paper...found!

2008-12-29T19:00:00.000-08:00

I'm moving to Texas in a few days (aahhkk!) and so I'm dutifully going through my things as I pack them to either come with me or stay stored here in Maryland. I was going through a box of journals, skimming pages and laughing at myself when a piece of paper fell out. It was a poem I had written when I was maybe 16 or 17. It is no masterpiece, but I was sure proud of it back then. I must have written it while at work at Instant Information Systems, because this is the only copy I seem to have...it wasn't saved anywhere. I thought it was gone forever, but here it is, in all it's glory:

Wrinkles

I have a fear.
Someday I'll walk past myself
Sitting in a corner, on a creaky wooden chair
Collecting dust
With cobwebs in my hair.
I'm old and wrinkled,
With gnarled hands and a blank stare
From sitting in the same spot
Collecting dust.

So I'll do my best to clean off the cobwebs and the dust
But I won't be able to do anything about the wrinkles
Which is okay;
Good, even.
Because wrinkles represent years of life lived.

Once I've cleaned myself off I'll say,
"There, good as new"
But I won't really be.
Because wrinkles represent years of life lived
But not necessarily years of life lived well--
Because I ended up
Sitting in a corner, on a creaky wooden chair
Collecting dust
With cobwebs in my hair.

i wasn't making this up...

2008-11-15T22:27:00.000-08:00

i made a comment in my fabulous birthday honoring post about my sister, lauren and a man holding his own skin. i just wanted to show everyone else how very amazing this plastinated body is. seriously, this man's insides are holding his outsides. there is something awesome about that. and i mean awesome as it was originally intended...as in, it evokes awe.
anyway, there are many more wonderful things to be seen and learned about the human body at www.bodyworlds.com.

happy birthday little sister!

2008-11-04T13:18:00.000-08:00

it's been pretty good to have you around!

you laugh at my stupid jokes
you always ask me "what are you doing" when you call me at work
you are almost my opposite but still love me
you are very good at sharing
you're a tease
you are great with the kiddos
you go on lunch dates with me
you'll get a skull picture holder for Christmas because i tell you to
you are patient with me, more than most
you have a strong testimony
you let me threaten you but know i love you anyway
you're hair is very soft
you believe in me
you'll rock out whenever wherever
the only times you've ever bitten me it were after gestures of love
you think a body holding its own skin is awesome
you brought many many things to the mission office for me
you're beautiful
you love me for me
you are you!!!

oh yes, we were "ready to rocksteady"...um, that's the title of a really good song

2008-10-27T11:10:00.000-07:00

i'm really quite a slacker...i'm just now posting about the Marc Broussard concert lauren, cj and went to. i never go out any more, but i've been to a few concerts in my day. some really good concerts, and some where i felt saddened by the amount of money i'd spent to stand for several hours next to large sweaty men, have beer poured on my shoes and my ears blasted with what can only very loosely be defined as music. this was a good concert.

the concert was at the Ram's Head Live, so we left work early to drive to annapolis, rocking out to marc the whole way. had to get in the mood. when we found the street the venue was on, we saw the freakin' tour bus! i'm not gonna lie, there was a some girlishness going on in the car. but come on. we had dinner first..which involved several forms of potato...in a special room just for concert goers. we could hear the sound check, more girlishness (less from me and more from...other people). and yes, we took pictures (not normal pictures, just pictures):

then we got to take a special "VIP" path to our slightly less than VIP seats, which were still good, because there were still only maybe 220 other people in the venue. we sang, danced and screamed like little girls for our favorite artist. here is a video of marc singing one of my favorite songs, "Hope for me Yet" (this isn't from the concert we went to, his shirt wasn't nearly so shiny at ours!) he really is a fantastic musician, please listen!

not only are marc and his band superb musicians, they are also incredibly humble and really good to their fans. they stick around after the show and sign cds (they record each live show, so we bought cds of the actual concert we went to) and, if you are cj, t-shirts. they also took pictures!

Lauren and I with Calvin, the bass player:

Calvin, me, cj, Marc himself, lauren:
Lauren, CJ, the drummer, and me:

If you ever get a chance to go see them live, DO IT! we are...again! (november 8th, baby!) at least get some of his music, i promise you'll be impressed.

That's Buffalax, with a capital B

2008-08-23T07:50:00.000-07:00

according to the Urban Dictionary, Buffalax is "the art of taking an Indian (or any other non-english) music video and giving it subtitles for what it sounds like in English." not to be confused with buffalax: "an extremely fat woman with a bad attitude". an important distinction.

now, i certainly don't want anyone to think that I don't love the fantastic people of India. if you think a Buffalaxed video is offensive, i am very sorry and please know that is not my intention. point is, you should stop reading now. this is your only warning. because that's what the rest of this post is about.

so, when I was in Spain, chris showed me what is perhaps the most famous Buffalax video: benny lava. i found it highly entertaining and i laughed. a lot. for your enjoyment (and please note, these are music videos so they are several minutes long, but if you read the subtitles throughout them, totally worth your time! plus...the dancing!):

well, sometimes i watch it to cheer myself up. and then i found this...mwhahaha. sorry, anticipatory cackle. it is the Indian answer to Michael Jackson's Thriller. really. fancy red suit and everything.

so here's where i could go into a deep philosophical discussion about how often we only hear what we want to hear. but really, it's all about those dance moves...so just "calm down and park that comfy shin guard armor!"

dorky little exercise and Elizabeth Bloomer Ford

2008-08-22T13:04:00.000-07:00

ah...the sweet smell of a fresh post after a **cough** 6 month hiatus. invigorating to the (possibly) tens of readers to this here blog, no?

i'm a dork, to be sure. and to prove it...read the following:

i've been conspicuously absent the last several months, and to help me so I only need to explain it one time...Gerald D. Fillintheblank (named after our beloved thirty eighth president, Gerald R. Ford. His wife's name, incidently...Elizabeth *Bloomer* Ford).

Gerald D. Fillintheblank: JORDAN!!! you've been conspicuously absent the last several months.
jordan: yes. i know. and i'm really sorry about that, there really was no offense intended.
Gerald D. Fillintheblank: none taken. at least, not by me. i was named after the man that pardoned Nixon! others, well, may still be a little annoyed. but we are a people that believe in forgiveness and moving on. so i'm sure this dorky little exercise of yours will help with that.
jordan: i guess that depends on if i get my act together and keep posting.
Gerald D. Fillintheblank: absolutely! precisely! exactly!
jordan: you just said three things that all mean the same thing.
Gerald D. Fillintheblank: nice. will you keep posting?
jordan: well, that kind of brings me to the whole reason i wasn't posting before.
Gerald D. Fillintheblank: and what was that?
jordan: my life is really boring.
Gerald D. Fillintheblank: it is when you are interviewed by an imaginary man named after Gerald R. Ford. as he himself once said, "this is an hour of history that troubles our minds and hurts our hearts."
jordan: this is my point. although comparing my lack of a life to watergate...
Gerald D. Fillintheblank: not a perfect metaphor, no. but the situation is bound to get better, right? with graduate school coming up, which means you'll be moving and meeting new people and learning new things?
jordan: and having no time for things like blogging?
Gerald D. Fillintheblank: ah...
jordan: maybe i'm just not a blogging type. but if i keep updating my fancy new youtube feature, people will like me, right?
Gerald D. Fillintheblank: will you keep the smooze video?
jordan: i will.
Gerald D. Fillintheblank: then people will like you...at least your sisters. because they like the smooze. well, three of them that i know of.

to the truth, i will try to do better about the posting. i can't guarantee how much of it will be about *me* because honestly my life is really lame. evidence: see above. but i'll try to make it interesting and worth your while to read. unlike this post. sorry about that. next post i'll actually try some kind of update.

sometimes what you think will make you happy...

2008-02-12T10:00:00.000-08:00

can i ever really...

2008-02-12T09:53:00.000-08:00

i've spent the weekend at home alone. i'm one of those people that is, for the most part, very comfortable being alone. i like people. i really do. but something i am working on is being myself, and i have a hard time doing that around other people. hehe. i go into a situation planning on not caring what other people think about me, but it is really the only thing i can think about. so i am currently avoiding other people all together.

okay, maybe that's a little dramatic. i just kind of go in cycles...sometimes i want to have something to do or somewhere to be every day, other times i want to curl up on my bed with a book and not really talk to anyone. i guess i've been thinking about this a lot lately because it is probably annoying for the people that i know. i'm probably a pretty difficult friend to have. low maintenance, which has to be a bonus. but unpredictable. and i start to wonder--can natural loners every really have friends? i mean the kind of friends that stay friends?

know your onion

2008-02-03T20:46:00.000-08:00

thanks to chris for introducing me to the shins. i really connected with this song, highly recommend it. something i'll always be astounded by is the way that a song can describe a feeling better than words alone. sometimes i'll stumble across a song that is who i am at that moment. a themesong i guess. i keep a list-kind of like a musical journal. i can listen to any of those songs and i am reminded of who i was.

"Know Your Onion!"

Shut out, pimpled and angry.
I quietly tied all my guts into knots.
Gave up on trying to make them,
I figured it'd take them too long to look up and besides...

It was undeniably clear to me i don't know why
When every other part of life seemed locked behind shutters
I knew what worthless dregs we've always been.

Lucked out and found my favorite records
Lying in wait at the birmingham mall.
The songs that i heard,
The occasional book
Were the only fun i ever took.
And i got on with making myself.
The trick is just making yourself.

But when they're parking their cars on your chest
You've still got a view of the summer sky
To make it hurt twice when your restless body
Caves to its whims
And suddenly struggles to take flight...

Three thousand miles north east
I left all my friends at the morning bus stop shaking their heads.
"what kind of life you dream of? you're allergic to love."
Yes i know but i must say in my own defense
It's been undeniably dear to me, i don't know why
When every other part of life seemed locked behind shutters
I knew the worthless dregs we are,
The selfless, loving saints we are,
The melting, sliding dice we've always been.

"kneel to your god babylon!"

2008-01-31T19:07:00.000-08:00

ch ch ch changes...

2008-01-31T17:24:00.000-08:00

it's been a long time, friends. but...say it for me..."absence makes the heart grow fonder." right? cliche. i'll admit that, but then i've never been one to shy away from an aptly placed cliche (see title). i've got a whole list of excuses as to why i haven't updated in so long. i could promise i'll do better from now on. i could explain why things are different now. but does it really matter? "let's forget the fact that you're a little late showing up to the party and just embrace the fact that you showed up at all" (sam seaborn).

let's also embrace that other party i've joined...the party of the gainfully employed. i've been working at avendra for a little over a month now. most of that has been with horrific overtime. horrific in the sense that it was a lot of time in a place of business. it was fantastic in the amount of money i made. yes, friends. i've joined the fiends of business. i'm a hypocrite. you'll find that may be a theme with me. dang it.

hmmm...what else is new? i've joined the singles ward. an interesting little group of individuals. i work at the temple on friday evenings. i take an asl class at the community college. i am working on a graduate certificate program in epidemiology through the university of north carolina chapel hill. you'll be hearing more about this. diseases are very interesting. how they are spread can be equally interesting. did you know in 2002 an outbreak of west nile virus was eventually traced to donated organs?

chris is in spain now. my single, maryland-based, understands my feelings about marriage and family and wanting to do something with my life and our country etc., fantastic little brother is very far away. and he's going to go to morocco. i'm a little jealous. i guess i'm feeling a little stagnant, and i'm watching him be so much of what *i* want to be. but i'm proud of him. i'm proud of his goals, his progress, who he is. i'm glad that we were able to spend some time together after i got home and before he left. i'm glad that he watched the funniest simpsons episode ever with me. and that he shared his music. and that he, after much trial and tribulation, got windows on my mac so i could take my stupid epi class. he's a good brother. okay. now i'm over that.

i have to go do some homework now. wahoo. but "i'll be back" (see, what did i tell you?).

wasted week

2007-12-08T21:34:00.000-08:00

i feel like i've done nothing all week. i've had a back thing for over a week now, and i've been laying in bed reading, watching movies, napping. all week. boring! i'm on drugs now and it is finally getting a little better. i am in definite need of a life now. before i didn't so much care, but now...i am ready for some social action! i've made a few plans for the coming week, so as long as my back keeps improving i think i'm going to have actual social interaction. yay for me!

catch up

2007-11-20T16:23:00.000-08:00

alright, it's been a couple weeks so it is time to play catch up. whoops. i don't even really have the excuse of being too busy. i'm just working mostly. i am applying to an online grad program in field epidemiology, so if everyone could pray that i get into that, i'd appreciate it. i have a fulltime job offer at avendra where i worked as a temp a couple times before my mission. yay for insurance! i will most likely start there at the beginning of december. thats what i am the most excited about. other than that there isn't much exciting going on. i am trying to decide between staying in my home ward and going to the singles ward. it wouldn't even be a hard decision if it wasn't for the fact that all of my friends out here are married now. starting over at a new ward isn't ever easy, especially a singles ward. so we'll see what happens there.

swim to a song

2007-10-29T23:01:00.000-07:00

i just ordered this snazzy waterproof mp3 player. i am very excited to start swimming again after a year and a half hiatus. with my addiction to music, i've decided that using this sweet device will help me stay motivated and enjoy working out that much more. i'm excited.

if you have any ideas about good workout songs for a playlist, i'd be more than open to any suggestions!

changes

2007-10-29T22:11:00.000-07:00

so much has changed in the last three weeks...different rules, different people, different experiences, different technology. i bought a new ipod and i can watch movies on it! i've already uploaded all my music and some movies. i'm addicted. its hard to figure out how i lasted 18 months without such a thing.

i can hangout with boys (i've even been asked out!). tonight i went to lauren's fhe group, which meant playing Disney's Scene It which involved watching movie clips and boys my age. we rented a movie from redbox, which i've never used before. very exciting.

point is, 18 months changes a lot of things. my attitude and personality and the way i deal with people have changed, and i'm trying to take those changes and apply them to my changed situation. not easy. i know there have been a lot of people that have dealt with the same things, but i'm trying to figure out how *i* do it...how *i* am supposed to adjust to living in the world post-mission. it's kind of fun i guess--it means i have the whole world open to me.

if you have any helpful suggestions...let me know!

by popular demand...

2007-10-14T20:50:00.000-07:00

i have just returned from my mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. for 18 months i was isolated from the blogging realm, and on this, the day of my official release from my calling as a missionary--at the behest of family and friends--i have begun to blog.

i am as uncomfortable with my place in life as i have ever been. i am no longer a missionary, but i am not yet part of the "real world." i haven't even watched a movie yet. i could take my situation one of two ways: first, i can be terrified and paralyzed by my lack of plans, lack of friends in my same situation, and the utter chaos which is my life right now, OR second, i can use this time as a fabulous opportunity to define who i am how i want to. no one at home really knows ME anymore, only the jordan that left for utah 18 months ago. i could go back to her, or i can move forward and become the person that i want to be. when i think about it that way, it is actually a pretty exciting place to be in.

for now, i guess i take it one day at a time. right? good thing the person that i want to be is patient!!!